flashback

Isn't it painful to look back on our own past?

Certainly. Who wouldn't agree? (Shout out loud so I can hear you. ;>)

But here I am, taking you on a journey to my past - answering the question of who I was.

I was born in a family - extended, that is - who really saw the value of education. And I already got the heck of it during my early years in school. I'd ask my lolo to teach me how to write my name in cursive, while everyone else learns how to write in print. I was one of the competitive students in our batch back in elementary - excelling in all subjects; joining every club and organization, not to mention taking high-profile positons and roles (imagine being the chairman in more or less 3 clubs!); taking part in almost all competitions, from quiz bees, sports, journalism, to even a beauty contest; and being a part of the coolest, most popular 'barkadas' in school. By the way, I graduated valedictorian with loads of awards that come with it. --- Beat that!

As I entered the corners of high school education, everything seemed to be going well. I had almost the same circle of friends, and I need not adjust too much in the system of education and its extra-curricular activities, since I was in the same university. And I attest to what they say that one of the best seasons in a person's life is his/her high school life. Really. You get to be more free than the usual, which means, you get to do whatever you wanna do. I stayed up late in school, simply hanging out with friends; I went out every weekend, even if there are no projects to do or meetings to attend to. I just don't want to stay at home. Eventually, I got into a relationship with a friend. Haha! what more can I ask for?

Here's the peak of it all. After graduating with honors in high school, who would expect I'd get into one of the most prestigious universities in the country...for free?! Not in my wildest dreams. But here I am, seven months before I finally graduate. I even became a part of a group of students, who not only consider themselves a family, but see beyond the walls of the academe and answering the needs of the society.

Now with everything that I've told you here, how dare me say that it's painful to look at one's past? Haha! Am I just kidding you around? Na-ah... I want you to see where I'm coming from. And to tell you honestly, what I revealed here are barely scratches to who I really was. Of course, I wouldn't tell you my whole story just like that. ;p

The point I'm getting at is clear. I'm just like you. I have been through these ups. But that doesn't discount my vulnerability to be in down situations and empty moments. Yes, I've had those, as well as you do. And that makes my past so painful...because no matter how hard I filled my life with these temporal things, I yearned for more. Unfortunately, the more I yearned, the more I got dissatisfied. It was difficult, making myself believe I was fine, when in reality, I wasn't. I was so broken, I ended up pretending and putting on a mask -- living a life I couldn't even call my own.

Hmmm...If my past was really that painful, how come I can share these to you? Have I grown numb? I don't think so. Did I just have a lapse in my memory? Of course not. Actually, I hadn't known till "the moment" came right at my feet. I was as surprised as everyone else was. But just the same, it led me here.

Anyway, I'm just letting you catch a glimpse of who I was, before the warrior princess in me was unveiled. :O